Baby #3

I am extremly excited on monday October 31, 2011 my wife is scheduled for a c-section at the Mount Nittany Medical Center. but we won't know what time this will happen until Sunday Night. It's a girl. Which means this is our last baby. We have two boys and a girl. Some people have been asking if i am worried about have a third child, but multiple people have told me it is easier to go from two children to three than it is from one to two. So i am banking that this is true. Although never have done anything but hold a baby girl it can't be that different than a boy. Right?  I have been told that girls are more calm when they are younger so i hope that this true b/c the boys don't like to sit still very often for very long. So the Countdown is on!!!!!

 

Men's Fraternity Session 6

This week was facing the father wound. We started with the eight proactive remedies for the Absetn Father Wound.
Make sure your son hears:

1. I Love You(Affection)
2. I'm Proud of You(Admiration)
3. You're Good(Affirmation or tell him his strengths)

Make sure he has:

1. A manhood vision and a manhood ceremony that seals it.(this is dicussed more in detail in a later session)
2. A code of conduct that you live by
3. A transcendent cause(something to live for other than himself)
   

If this sounds remotely right to you the speak wrote a book about this stuff called Raising a Modern-day Knight by Robert Lewis.

One thing that is important to remember is that it's never to late to close the gap with your son now matter how old. All sons want the hear the same things from there father and they are me
ntioned above. And to the sons reading this Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling, so if dad is trying so should you.
Most dads didn't try yo make there sons life miserable.

If you are a son wounded by dad choose to touch this wound responsibly, by choosing to forgive your dad and by choosing to beleive in God's Justice. if you think your dad was evil check out Romans 12:19.  Another step is to courageously seek reconsiliation with your father. There may be seperation between you and your dad that springs from dad'd relational shortcomings, but don't let that stop you. there may be seperation between you and your dad that spring from past conflict and you need to clean it up. Lastly if you are a son woundedby dad:

• risk asking for your father's love
• risk asking for your father's blessing
• reclaim the relationship you missed by vecoming a good dad to your children.

This session was the most powerful for me. The speaker Robert Lewis read a letter that a father had written to his son after the son took the risk in asking his dad the hard questions about there relationship. It was very touching. I think everyone should at least watch this video to see the relevance and importance this is. Go to Mens Fraterinty- Facing the Father Wound.

Men's Fraternity Session 5

Remembering Dad

This week was all about Remembering dad. we started of by showing us some figures: In 1960 The percentage of children living with biological Father was 82.5%, then in 1970 77.6%, in 1980 67.8% and in 1990 61.7%. I find these numbers disturbing and these numbers don't include all the absent fathers. I think Proverbs 17:6 says it best: The glory of sons is there fathers.  I have two boys that are three and two and i have already noticed how much they want to be around me and be like me.

The Absent
 father wound was defined as an ongoing emotional, social deficit ordinarily met in a healthy relationship with dad that must now be overcome by other means. There are four results of the absent father:

1. Anger and
   
   Pain
2. Extreme Behavior and addictions or obsessions(Behavior is acting out and addictions is suppressed pain)
3. An inner sense of lostness or incompleteness
4. Homosexuality

Every son wants and needs these things from his father:

• Quality Time Together
• Life Skills(adequacy)
• Direction with Solid "why" answers
• Convictions through Modeling(Integrity)
• Dad's Heart( I love you, you are good at _______, and I am proud of you)

In the next session we will face the father wound.

The more we get into these sessions the more relevant it seems to be to everyone. Most everyone in my discussion groups has the father wound and some have good dads but there was something missing and they didn't realize how it affected them. I would recommend these sessions to every man out there.

City of Champions: PENS BABY!!!

Will Heckman Has some seriously accurate insites to the "City of Champions" or Pittsburgh sports

City of Champions: PENS BABY!!!: This blog would not be complete without talking about my other passion when it come to sports, that being the Pittsburgh Penguins. I am an a...

Guest Blogger: The Life of Dad Being a father isn't always easy, but then again, neither is fantasy football.

Click here for the blog site

October 3, 2011

Parenting and Stress

Stress is the worst. It causes your hair to change colors. It causes you to feel so sick to your stomach that you can't eat and yet, somehow, gain weight at the same time. It makes you want to haul off and slap someone whether they deserve it or not—and let's face it, they deserve it.

Before I was a Dad the only stressors I had in my life were picking a lunch destination, remembering my wedding anniversary, wondering when my high school band would reunite (Optimus Prime 4-ever!), hoping the college video of me dancing to N'Sync's "Bye Bye Bye" never surfaced on YouTube, keeping my softball on-base % high enough to satisfy SABREmetric fans and watching the Cincinnati Reds bullpen implode.

That was it.

I wasn't worried about much because, quite frankly, I didn't have much to worry about. Most everything else seemed fairly trivial. I led a fairly easy life.

Now that I'm a Dad, my whole life is a giant hairy ball of stress. From the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed, all I do is worry:

Did I set the alarm early enough to get the kids to the sitter's and me to work on time?

Did I already snooze the allotted three times?

Did I actually wash my hair or just imagine that I did? I honestly can't remember.

Did I brush the kids' teeth?

Did I brush my teeth?

Is it OK that I'm the type of Dad that would let them stand in a bucket?

Is my wife walking around in a bra because she's into me or because our 4-month-old just spit up all over her shirt?

Should I take that slap as a "our 4-month-old just spit up all over her shirt"?

Is eating that Dorito off the floor a lesson to my kids not to be wasteful, or is it just disgusting?

Am I caffeinated enough to make it until the kids' bedtime?

Do I have enough Doras recorded on the DVR? Any space left for "The Big Bang Theory"?

Did I post any recent pictures of my kids on Facebook?

Are the pictures getting a reasonable amount of "likes"?

Will they get hurt? Can I keep them healthy?

Did we make a birthday card for Aunt Jennie?

Does the baby need a diaper change?

Did I make something for dinner that isn't named macaroni and cheese and the kids will actually eat?

Did that guy just see me rocking out to the Tangled soundtrack? Oh my god, did he notice that my kids aren't in the car and that it's just me?

Do we really need to stop on the side of the highway or can she "hold it" until we get home?

Will my kids get into good colleges?

Will I be able to afford their weddings?

Am I really cut out to be a parent?

Am I setting a good example for my kids?

Does the Karate Kid Crane Kick really work?

Will my kids grow up to be good, smart, kind, happy, respectful people who will take care of their old man when he starts to lose his mind?

Did I kiss them goodnight?

At any given moment of the day, I'm worrying about at least half of these—usually more. But you know what? I wouldn't trade the worry for anything in the world. A close friend without kids once told me there are two nuggets of truth every parent offered him about becoming a parent: 1) It will drastically change your life forever and 2) It's the best decision you'll ever make.

And they are right.

I couldn't imagine going back to my stress-free life. I certainly miss hanging out with the guys playing epic games of Halo, and then coming home and bragging about it to seduce my wife (only to find out that Halo-domination doesn't rate highly on her list of turn-ons—I will never understand women). And I try to sneak out occasionally to relive the stress-free "glory days." But the best stress relief is a good hug from the people who count on you day in and day out to carry the burden of stress so they don't have to.

That makes all the stress in the world worth it.

Of course, it sure wouldn't hurt if I received an e-mail from my college buddy Justin assuring me that the N'Sync video has been destroyed, set on fire, and buried at sea. Or, at the very least, edited to include the disclaimer "We were drunk."¹

¹ We were also drunk when we watched the all-day marathon of O-Town's "Making the Band," when we bought those sweet Hawaiian shirts and anytime we used the word "gnarly." I swear. You wouldn't believe how many Zimas we could pound.

Men's Fraternity: Session 4

Last week our session was the second step called "UNPACKING". Everyone has baggage of some kind. The main reason men struggle today has to do with society, family dynamics, and dad. To continue on the quest every man must resolve three critical issues: Addressing unfinished business of my past, Establishing a clear and compelling manhood vision, and Creating a high impact, workable plan for my life. The addressing unfinished business is about dealing with wounds, and when i saw wound i mean any unresolved issue where lack of closure adversely impacts and shapes the direction and dynamics of your life now. Here is a quote from one of the tapes, "the deepest wounds are not physical but are of the soul".
There are five wounds that men must deal with:

• The absent father wound
• The overly bonded with mother wound
• The all alone wound
• The lack of a manhood vision wound
• The heart wound

I think they are self explanatory and after you deal with these wounds i feel that every man will one step closer to being an Authentic Man
.

Fantasy Football update

So this week in Fantasy football I was handed my first loss by the Italian Stallion. My team just had a bad week. Three of my best players are injured, Andre Johnson, Steve Jackson, and Antonio Gates. Plus I have the Steelers defense which didn't to so hot. I thought the score was embarrassing, but My one teacher Mike Gates said that it is better to get blown out of the water than lose by a point or two because it seems to bother you more. You think about I should have played this player instead of benching him. But in a blow out there was nothing you could do. That made me feel better. My main decision this week is should I find a new defense? Let me know what you think by doing the poll. Either way this is an Addicting activity